


Planning to Fail

by Ilya_Boltagon



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Lust, Sparring, Starforce training, Yonvers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-12 10:57:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19227784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilya_Boltagon/pseuds/Ilya_Boltagon
Summary: As Vers' life as an aspiring member of Starforce begins, she and Yon-Rogg have to battle an unforeseen complication that arises between them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DenseHumboldt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DenseHumboldt/gifts).



Vers twisted, angling her shoulder towards the gym mats, rolling out of the fall, landing in a crouched position, her hands splayed on the mats to give her support, while silently cursing herself for letting her guard down and giving her commander an opportunity to knock her to the ground. Again. Her teeth gritted as Yon-Rogg strode closer. No doubt he intended to pull her to her feet, then lecture her on her mistake, like he always did when this happened. _Not this time, 'sir'._  Without warning, she slid her right foot towards his feet, the low sweep kick actually taking Yon by surprise for once, and knocking his feet out from beneath him.

He let out a huff that might actually have been an exclamation of surprise, but Vers had little time to enjoy her victory. Too late she realized she should have moved instead of remaining still as Yon-Rogg toppled. Because, by staying in the same place, she'd ensured he fell directly on top of her, and his weight toppled her, pinning her to the floor, with him taking advantage of their new position in seconds, his hands pinning her wrists near her head, his knees pressed to her thighs.

Vers swallowed, very deliberately _not_  thinking about how close together their bodies were in this new position, or the warmth and smell emanating from his skin. And there most definitely _wasn't_  a pulse of heat deep inside her, having him this close. Nope. She would never think of her commander like that. That would be totally inappropriate. Inhaling shakily, she tried to make herself focus on Yon's face, the perspiration gleaming on his skin, making him glisten, his eyes, seeming brighter gold than usual, his pupils dilated as he stared down at her, his face inscrutable, his weight shifting, pinning her down more securely, pressing more of their bodies together as he began breathing more rapidly- wait, what?

Vers' mouth was suddenly dry, her heart pounding. The look in his eyes... She licked her lips, trying to moisten her mouth enough to speak, to ask what was wrong, but the simple gesture, her tongue running over her lips, seemed enough to agitate Yon further, as he leaned over her even more, blazing eyes watching her every movement, like a snake focusing on prey, and he let out a noise close to a strangled groan. He leaned even closer, looming over her, his shadow engulfing her body, his face near enough to hers that she could feel his breath, like a warm caress on her skin. A madness of some sort must've come over Vers, for she had no explanation for what she did next. Straining against his grip, she surged across the few inches between them and brushed her lips on his, the way that she'd been wanting to for some time, the way she _had_ , in the middle of the night, in the midst of fevered dreams, feeling with a bone deep certainty that something was missing, something was _wrong_ , desperate for some sort of deeper connection in this world that was alien to her, due to her lost memory. Yon, when he featured in those heated dreams, provided her solace. Kissing him while awake was... different. His lips were as warm as she'd imagined, but he didn't yield to her, or return the kiss. He remained still, as if his face had been turned to granite. She felt his hands on her shoulders, though, and took that as encouragement, using her now-free hands to cup his face, opening her eyes to meet his gaze-

Only to be pitched sideways violently as Yon rolled, taking her with him, breaking the kiss abruptly, and using his hold on her to all but _throw_  her away from him. He was on his feet in an instant, head down, fists clenched, tension radiating from every inch of his posture. “You shouldn't have done that.” His voice was as flat as an automated computer, no emotion at all.

Feeling like an idiot, Vers got to her feet, her face burning. Why had she done that, again? Oh right, because she was a moron. She'd let wild dreams and lack of sleep decide her actions, and now she'd more than likely alienated the man who'd saved her life, giving her his blood, the one and only person who'd been there for her constantly since she woke up an amnesiac. “I... I'm sorry.” _And I'll never be able to look you in the eye again._

Yon-Rogg's clenched fists trembled- with rage? Vers hoped not. If he was really angry, and decided he wanted nothing more to do with her... she'd have no-one left. Tears pricked her eyes at the thought of being utterly alone with no friends, nobody who knew her personally, or even cared to. That, of course, was another thing she was failing at. For months, Yon had been trying to teach her to suppress her emotions, to be a better soldier, worthy of Starforce, and she tried and _tried_  to improve herself, be what he wanted, to no avail. She swallowed hard, willing her voice to sound normal. “I'll.... just go.” She walked out of the gym with her head lowered, knowing she shouldn't leave it there, she should say more, talk it out, explain why she'd done it, apologize again...

She couldn't make herself do it. She couldn't stand there and say she hadn't _wanted_  to kiss him. She had. For longer than she wanted to admit, even to herself. But it would be selfish to tell Yon that. He'd already given her so much: saving her from the Skrull attack that she still recalled next to nothing of, he'd donated his blood to ensure she survived, had dedicated hours and hours of his time to acclimatize her to Hala, given her a chance to avenge what she'd lost in the war... She refused to ruin that through selfishness, wanting yet more from him, when he was her _friend_  and mentor, and clearly had no desire to be more than that. And the absolute last thing she wanted was his pity when he gently told her he had no romantic feelings for her!

That didn't stop her from pressing her fingertips to her lips as she headed back to her own room in the barracks, smiling slightly, remembering the taste of his lips on hers...

A distant sound that could have been something heavy being thrown and smashing, echoed from somewhere, back where she'd just come from. Vers did hesitate, then decided it was probably just adolescent trainees who'd messed with something they shouldn't. It wasn't her business to sort it out. She had her own mess to resolve right now. Maybe if she gave Yon a day or two, then acted the epitome of the perfect soldier the next time she saw him, he'd overlook her stupidity in kissing him, and they could move on like it never happened?

...But had she imagined it, or, before he tensed up and pushed her away, had he kissed her back, his tongue caressing her lips, as if he'd wanted to kiss her too, and it was only the rules against fraternization that stopped him? If that were true, though, he'd never admit it, if he viewed it as 'wrong'.

The possibilities went round and round in Vers' head, with no obvious conclusion. Back in her own room, she flopped down on the bed and rested her head in her hands. She could _still_  taste Yon's lips on hers, couldn't help but want more...

“Ugh. Stop it!” She told herself firmly. “He shoved you away, he doesn't want you like that.” Another teasing memory of Yon's returning her kiss for a split second taunted her, and she grimaced. What if that was real? Whatever her feelings, or his, if she hadn't imagined that part, he was still her commander, until and unless the Intelligence said otherwise, and they still had to work together. Kissing him, essentially making him do something he probably didn't want to... What had she done? She shook her head, wondering if slapping herself would get the crazy thoughts about Yon maybe actually _wanting_  her out of her head. He was her _commander_ , her superior officer, for heaven's sake. Maybe it was OK to have feelings like that, but not to _act_  on them. She needed to snap out of it, now, before she saw Yon again. If only it was that easy! Even picturing him in her mind made her heart rate pick up speed. She was in trouble. “How the hell am I going to sort this mess out?”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Yon-Rogg exhaled heavily as he surveyed the scattered shards of glass that had been one of the floor length mirrors on the gymnasium wall, until he had finally snapped out of the paralysis brought on by Vers' kiss and vented his frustration by putting all his strength into a roundhouse kick, shattering the mirror- and the reflection of himself within it. The weakness of the man in the mirror was too much to bear- he had thought himself stronger than that. He abruptly sat in a cross-legged meditative stance and closed his eyes, striving for the centre of calm he had always maintained, never letting his own feelings interfere with it. It was how he had risen so far in the military, placing duty and loyalty to the Empire and the Intelligence above all else. Meditating usually worked perfectly, keeping his thoughts clear and even. But this time, Vers kept intruding upon his thoughts. Images of her smiling, laughing, the look in her eyes after she had kissed him, when reality seemed to vanish, before he remembered who he was, and who she was, and that they _could not_  do this, and he had pushed her away.

He gritted his teeth, attempting to force those thoughts from his mind. Vers was his pupil and his responsibility since he had brought her to Hala, and that was all she could ever be to him, no matter what his traitorous body urged him to do.

 _Why_  had she kissed him? He thought he had hidden his shameful urges well, over the past months, since she had come into his life and been left in his charge, but clearly he had not concealed his weakness well enough, as Vers had acted out one of his secret desires. He had to have, at some point, given her some signal, some sort of indication, that such an advance would be welcomed. And, to his eternal shame, he had, for one instant, entertained the idea of letting it continue, returning her embrace, before re-asserting his common sense and putting an end to it. The pain on Vers' face as she fumbled at apologies, he could picture too clearly, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to look at her, or to move at all before she left. Every cell in his body had been screaming at him to go to her, to close the distance between them once more, press his body to hers, and explore every inch of her, until this aching need was satiated. If he was honest, the desire to do just that was still there, refusing to be silenced.

He grimaced, abandoning his attempt at meditation. It wouldn't work, not here, not in this place where he could still detect Vers' scent, could so clearly recall physical closeness with her, from their numerous sparring sessions. Standing, he scrubbed his hands over his face. That only served to make him recall Vers' palms cupping his jaw, before he broke the kiss, and he groaned aloud. He was in trouble. He would have to see Vers again, if not today, then tomorrow at the latest, and how could that interaction go well, if he had to deal with what had happened today? He knew he had probably hurt her feelings, ordering her to leave without explanation, but there was no way _to_  explain that they couldn't act on any feelings they might have for each other. Not without revealing that he knew more of her past than he'd admitted, and that would bring this whole relationship to a disastrous end. No, he would have to confront Vers, and make her think that he had been disgusted, repulsed, by what she had done. It would hurt her, and the thought of causing her pain made his heart fracture, but it was the only way to be sure she could remain in his life. The Intelligence would not allow them to become involved as anything more than Commander and subordinate. If It learned there was more developing between them, he might never see her again. That would be intolerable. He had to find Vers, and quash this romantic nonsense, now.

Squaring his shoulders, he strode from the gym, not bothering to shower and freshen up from the workout. He needed to do this now, before he talked himself out of it. Reaching Vers' bunk, he knocked on the closed door, but received no reply. He tried the door- it was locked. Odd. He had assumed she would come directly here if she were upset. He was, as far as he knew, her only confidant on Hala. Surely, if she couldn't confide in him, she would remain alone? Frowning, he headed back to his own rooms, deep in thought. Where could she have gone? He could ask around, see if anyone had seen her, but that was tantamount to admitting he had lost track of his prized pupil, and if word of that got back to the Intelligence, he would have to explain why... He couldn't tell anyone that he didn't know where Vers was. He'd have to find her himself. Somehow. Well, at least this way, he had time to rehearse what he would say to her when he tracked her down. Lost in imaginary conversation, while still attempting to scour memories of the kiss from his mind, he walked into the hallway that led to his room without paying much attention. That proved to be a mistake.

He froze in place, all his prepared words vanishing from his head. “Vers.”

She was standing just outside his personal quarters, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. Like him, she remained in her workout gear, though her jacket was unfastened, revealing the undershirt, perspiration making it adhere to her like a second skin. Her hair, which had been pulled back tightly earlier, now cascaded around her shoulders, a golden waterfall that gleamed in the artificial light of the hallway. Tearing his eyes away from her face, he focused on her hands, fingers twined together and fidgeting, as they both spoke at the same time.

“I'm sorry about earlier.”

Realizing they had echoed each other's words, they both paused. Now eye contact was unavoidable, and as always, Yon secretly relished the gleam in Vers' deep brown eyes as her lips quirked in a grin.

“Well, that was awkward...” She managed a weak laugh, then dropped her gaze from his, as if she were feeling ashamed or guilty.

Yon unlocked and opened his door. “Come inside; we shouldn't have this discussion in the hallway.” Letting her precede him into the room, he took the extra second to re-organize what he planned to say: remind Vers of the rules about fraternization, particularly between a commander and a soldier in his command, and... what else had he intended to say, again?

Vers stood in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around herself protectively, looking far more nervous and vulnerable than she usually let people see. That simple thing warmed Yon's heart, that she trusted him enough to lower her typical confident and cheerful facade. She visibly gulped before speaking.

“I just wanted to say I'm sorry, again.” She was speaking rapidly, not meeting his gaze. “I don't know what got into me: I was tired, and... I don't know why I did it. I know I've probably made you really uncomfortable around me, but I promise it'll never happen again... if you don't decide to let someone else have charge of me after that, I mean. I figured you probably would.”

Yon took a step closer to her, once again feeling an ache in his chest at the pain in her voice. “Vers...” What could he say? He gently placed a hand on her shoulder, to buy himself more time to think, but the undershirt she wore left her shoulders uncovered, and placing his hand on her bare skin sent an electric thrill through him. He found himself moving closer, inhaling deeply, wanting to pick up her scent again, the salty tang of sweat mingled with the tempting, feminine scent that was uniquely _Vers_. All his senses seemed to heighten- he could hear her breathing, see exactly how well the dim lights in his room flattered her fair skin and golden hair.

His mind protested, reminding him of the protocol, of the rules and laws he had dedicated his life to, of everything he had strived for, earned, and was now risking, but it was little more than white noise as he obeyed some primal compulsion, pulling Vers to him and all but slamming his mouth against hers, trying to communicate all the desire he had suppressed in that one embrace. For a second, she didn't move, then her arms were round him, her fingers knotting into his hair, and he hefted her from the floor, her legs twining around his waist. He felt the impact thud through her as he pushed her against the wall, his tongue slipping into her mouth, exploring, plundering, wanting, _needing_  to know every inch of her. His hands were roaming greedily, pulling aside and ripping clothing that now felt too tight, constrictive, groping desperately at every inch of skin he could reach. He was dimly aware of her following his example, her hands trailing over him, pulling his clothing aside, her touch setting his very cells aflame. He began grinding his hips against hers firmly, letting her feel his hardened length, showing her exactly what she did to him, had done since she'd become a permanent fixture of his life, forever tempting him into this.

They tumbled onto the couch, lost in need, all of Yon's rational thought burned away by the searing heat in his veins. The universe was nothing but teasing caresses, and skin on skin, and dizzying kisses, and Vers...


	3. Chapter 3

Goosebumps rose on the areas of Vers' skin that were exposed to the cool filtered air of Yon's apartment. She was lying half on top of him, her head on his chest, and the places where her skin touched his were almost feverishly warm, a stark contrast that still somehow felt good. They lay there in silence, but it felt... comfortable. Peaceful, like the only place and time that were real were here and now, in this room, lying on this couch. His heartbeat thudded beneath her ear, and that and the sound of Yon's breathing, and her own, were the only audible sounds. One of his arms was wrapped round her waist, the other lay across her shoulders, his hand languidly caressing her hair. Grinning and stretching, she lifted herself on one elbow and leaned down to kiss him again.

“Are you alright?” She half-whispered when she drew back, letting the backs of her fingers brush his cheekbone. His eyes seemed softer than usual, and his whole form emanated relief, as if some huge burden had been lifted. His lips quirked in a half-grin.

“Maybe I'm concerned that I've worn you out.”

Vers spluttered a laugh. “Me, worn out? I seem to recall it was you who asked to stop.”

His eyes rolled. “Oh, I do beg your pardon for not having abilities that enhance my stamina beyond the norm, and as such needing a moment to catch my breath.”

She actually found herself giggling. “Are you actually admitting I've bested you at something, Commander?” She widened her eyes in mock shock. “I really hope you're actually Yon-Rogg and not someone masquerading as him!” Her face fell when he didn't continue the teasing, and the hand that had been running through her hair stilled. “Yon?”

He shifted, so she rolled off of him, and turned his head, avoiding her gaze, letting out a deep sigh. “Find your clothes, Vers, you... need to go.”

She blinked, puzzled- and hurt. “What? I thought...”

“Neither of us were _thinking_ , Vers.” His tone was suddenly harsh, colder than she'd ever heard from him before, as he searched through the discarded heaps of fabric that had been intact clothing before they'd destroyed it, and yanked on his pants, leaving himself barefoot and shirtless. “We got carried away, made a mistake, and the only thing we can do now is move on. This shouldn't have happened, therefore it never did, and we will never discuss it again. Once you've left my apartment.” He added pointedly, seizing her shirt and pants and tossing them in her direction without once looking at her. “Get yourself decent and get out of here.”

“Yon...” Vers stared at him: standing with his back to her now, his shoulders taut, standing at attention almost, his neck muscles rigid with tension, his words clipped and bitter.

“Didn't you hear me, novice?” His tone had turned cutting. “Cover yourself and _get out_  of my rooms.”

Vers actually flinched back from his words, her heart constricting, her eyes stinging with tears that she struggled to hold back. Never, in the year she'd known Yon-Rogg, had he ever referred to her as 'novice', even though technically she was one. The word was generally assigned to soldiers newly graduated from the Academies, beginners who had yet to mean anything to anyone. For him to suddenly call her that, when he had always used her name before, and right now, after what they'd just shared... She inhaled shakily, gulped hard to rid herself of the lump that had formed in her throat, and yanked her torn clothing on as fast as she could, ignoring the tears blurring her vision and the sob that wanted to fight its way out of her. If, after sleeping together, the most intimate thing they _could_  share, after that, if this was how he thought of her, then she _should_  leave. He was right, sleeping together had been a mistake, because now she'd made him hate her. “Fine,” she managed to say in a semi-normal voice as she pulled her boots on, staggering and just barely keeping herself from falling over in the process, and stood as fast as she could. “I'm sorry to have been a nuisance to you, Commander. I'll request a new mentor as soon as I can, to make sure I don't cause you any further _inconvenience_.”

She strode across the apartment and was out the door, just in time to avoid his grabbing her arm.

“Vers-” Whatever Yon had begun to say was cut off by the door swishing shut behind her. A quick energy blast fried the lock, shutting Yon in and making sure he couldn't follow her, and she half-ran out of that building, heading for her own barracks, struggling to look composed, not wanting any bystanders to see how much she was hurting right now.

Back in her own bunk, with the door shut and locked, she sank down onto her bed and let herself cry silently. What the hell had happened? They'd slept together, and the way Yon had been, the intensity, the  _hunger_ of his touch, his responses to her, had made her think he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. They'd been _fine_  afterwards, relaxed in each others' arms, satiated and content. Then, out of nowhere as far she could tell, there'd been no obvious trigger to make his mood change, he'd turned into a cold stranger and ordered her away from him as if he suddenly despised her. She pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. The only person she really knew on Hala, and he hated her. She thought they were close, even before today, but if he could turn on her like that... Had she ever really known him at all?

Abruptly angry at the thought that the Yon she thought she had known for this past year might have all been an act, a front, she clenched her fists. Sitting up straight, she wiped the tears from her face and made a decision. Yon wanted her gone? Fine. She activated her personal interface, that allowed her communication with the outside world. Her fingerprint allowed her access to the military database, and she only hesitated a second before typing in a request to transfer to a new commander in another unit, citing 'personal reasons' as the rationale behind the request. There was a 'beep' to signify her request had been received, and would be reviewed by the higher-ups in the military, and by the Intelligence. She would receive an answer within two cycles. For now, all she could do was wait.

 


End file.
